Missing Heaven

Twenty years ago on this day, my father-in-law, J Dennis, died.  He was thoughtful, funny, loving, and so much more.  He and I had good times ribbing each other in one way or another, and he really loved that I insisted on calling him “Pops”.  I think he often responded with “I’ll ‘Pops’ you.”  I have been thinking of him and missing him quite a bit over the last few weeks, probably because the 20-year mark was coming but also because of my son, Joseph.

One of my favorite pictures with J at our wedding

J reading Hop on Pop to Mary

Joseph is a quick-witted, one-liner, really fun kind of guy with a heart of gold and a strong love for the Lord…an all-around great kid (and that’s not just his mother talking…other people say so, too 😉 ).  We’ve been celebrating some major accomplishments for him this year … he received his college acceptance letter to his #1 choice, became a National Merit Commended Scholar, and achieved an amazing score on his ACT which earned him a major scholarship from that same #1 choice.  He just turned 18 years old, drives J’s old truck, and insists on taking “Jacie”     (named for his Pappaw — J Calvin)    to college because “Mom!  A man and his truck cannot be separated like that.”  I have not been able to help but think  how J has missed so much!  He would have been so proud of Joseph and all that he has accomplished, but more than that, he would have LOVED how much Joseph loves the Lord.  He would have ADORED Joseph’s personality, so much like his own, his humor, and his wit, and I believe they would have been like two peas in a pod — heaven help us!

As I was contemplating all of these things during Sunday morning’s run, I reached out to the Lord in a moment of grief, “Lord, he’s missed so much!  He would have been so proud and loved these kids with everything he had.”  And the Holy Spirit answered … in a surprising, yet gentle way, “No, it is not he who has missed so much.  It is you.  He has spent the last 20 years in the presence of God face to face.  You are the one who has missed out on what he’s had.”

Now, I’m not trying to say anything about hurrying to get to heaven or about ignoring a moment of fresh grief (even 20 years later), but I am saying that in that moment, the Spirit reminded me that while I am on this earth, in this life, I am missing out on the life that awaits me.  And in that moment, I felt comforted.  If given the opportunity, I would not really want J to come back.  Sure, in my selfishness, I would love to see him and hug him and talk to him one more time, but in my heart, I would NEVER want him to leave the physical presence of the Savior.  I would never ask him to make that choice, and I know that he is not missing ONE.SINGLE.IMPORTANT.THING because he is with God.

And that thought led me to something else … That is exactly what Jesus did.  He left the presence of God the Father to come for me, to come for you, to come for all of us.  We think of this every Christmas … the babe wrapped in swaddling clothes who came to take away the sin of the world.  But do we really think about it?  I’m not just thinking about what he came to do … yes, the horrible death on the cross to pay for our sins and yes, the resurrection that makes the story complete…but the very first act…the very first thing that Jesus did to love me was to leave all of heaven behind.  And this Christmas, it overwhelms me all over again.

As I sing “O Come, O Come Emmanuel” this season, I pray that I truly recognize and understand the height and the depth of what that means.  Jesus … left it all behind … to come and be God with me.